Nick Thompson's Journey From Love is Blind to Mental Health Advocate

Transcript

Jessica Fein: Welcome. I'm Jessica Fein and this is the “I don't know how you do it” podcast, where we talk to people whose lives seem unimaginable from the outside and dive into how they're able to do things that look un undoable.

I'm so glad you're joining me on this journey, and I hope you enjoy the conversation. 

Here's the question, do you watch reality tv? I go through spurts of watching one show or another, usually when I'm on the elliptical, but I've never given what I'm watching much thought. It's pure guilty entertainment.

If you do watch, you might know Nick Thompson from season two of the show Love Is Blind. If you didn't watch the show, you might still know Nick from the Media Frenzy that surrounds him. Even now, well after the show ended. Nick went [00:01:00] on Love Is Blind, got engaged, having never seen his fiance got married and then got divorced, which for some reason lots of people have an opinion about. 

But what we see on TV or in the media doesn't begin to tell Nick's full story. It's Mental Health Awareness Month, which is the perfect time to share the conversation Nick and I had as we talked about how being on a show like Love is Blind can mess with your mental health, how it's affected Nick since the show ended and how he's taken on a new mission to help other people who have been on reality shows through his nonprofit UCAN foundation, which helps unscripted television cast members understand their rights, protect themselves from exploitation, access, legal support, and find qualified mental health care.

Nick believes everyone has a story and he's most passionate about building human connections to remove stigmas around mental health and to explore holistic lifestyles culture and politics. His podcast Eyes Wide Open with Nick Thompson elevates these issues with honest and authentic conversations, all to ensure we show up [00:02:00] in the world with our eyes wide open.

Welcome, Nick. Thanks for being here. 

Nick Thompson: Thank you for having me on. How are you?

Jessica Fein: I'm doing great. How are you doing? 

Nick Thompson: I am doing just fine. It's a nice-ish day here in Chicago today. 60 degrees and sunny, so I can't complain. 

Jessica Fein: That's right. We'll take it. We'll take it in Boston. There's like this little window, you know, it gets to be 60, 70.

It's lovely for like three days and then it's boiling, so. Yep. Well, let's just dive in and I need to start with the question that I'm sure is on most people's minds when they meet you or when they hear about this show. What prompted you to go on the show Love is Blind? 

Nick Thompson: Good question. So I actually was recruited on LinkedIn by a casting agent to audition for the show.

I had heard of it, but I didn't really know anything about it. I wasn't a big consumer of reality tv. I think I watched one season of The Bachelor. So I'm like, okay, [00:03:00] I'll take this call. Right? Like, let's see, I was single at the time for about a year after Covid started, so this was November of 2020, the first time I got that message.

And then, you know, you go through a, a psych eval, you go through interview process. I can't tell you how many interviews I had. And then before you know it, you're there. And so it just kinda, yeah, it steamrolled. But after I watched the show season one before agreeing to do this, I was kind of touched by the authenticity in it because I felt like okay. This actually addresses a lot of the challenges that I have with dating right now where you're a swipe away from another match. You've got three dates lined up this week. You've got 42 people on your dating app that you're matched with, that you're talking to, and nobody's actually taking the time to get to know anybody.

And with this it removed that distraction. There was no work. You had 15 men and 15 women, and they were all gonna start off speed dating for seven minutes without seeing each other. And then you would maybe connect with someone. And I thought to myself, I think this can [00:04:00] work. Like I actually think this can work and maybe it'll work for me, but if it doesn't, that's okay.

I'll go home and go about living my life. I just didn't really feel like there was any type of reason to not do it. I was mentally in a good space and it just seemed like maybe this would be a great way for me to meet someone. 

Jessica Fein: It never would have occurred to me that the cast for a reality show would be recruited through something like LinkedIn.

I mean, when you got that, were you like, come on, this is a spoof.

Nick Thompson: Oh my God, totally. I screen shotted some of my friends. I'm like, can you believe this? Because most people ended up being recruited off of a dating app or their social media. I mean, I guess LinkedIn, social media, or their Instagram, I should say, and then for me to come in at LinkedIn, but that's where I was the most active too.

You know, a VP of marketing at the time and I was learning a lot as a younger leader and I wanted to share all that on LinkedIn. So I was more active there. It's was more my, it used to be more my identity. 

Jessica Fein: Did you wanna be in show business? Was that ever something that was of interest to you? Or was this like, I'm going into this because I wanna meet somebody?

Like this is totally pure intentions here.

Nick Thompson: so it's a little bit of [00:05:00] both. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a filmmaker. First. I wanted to be a screenwriter, then I wanted to be a director. Even growing up, I like wanted to be president. I wanted to be a WWE  wrestler. 

Jessica Fein: That's a little ambitious, right?

Nick Thompson: Right. I was actually voted in junior high as most likely to be famous, but it was because of these things. It was because of my ideas, not because of me. And I always feel like that's been the most difficult thing for me, is to understand and shift the narrative that. I don't wanna be in front of the camera.

I was always behind the camera or I was behind a character. In some instances, if I was to go the WWE route, I would be behind this larger than life character, you know, that you can create. And so I was always about the creating something, creating an idea, creating a story, crafting a narrative, being a storyteller.

And so to have this happen, it's, it's almost like I can't believe I'm now known for a relationship. That people saw an hour and 15 minutes on, on a dating show. 

Jessica Fein: Right, because you are the story. It's just you. It's [00:06:00] just what happened. 

Nick Thompson: That's exactly right. That is the story. 

Jessica Fein: I imagine that for the people making the show, they're creating a storyline.

So it's not just, you know, we put all these people in rooms together and here's what happened. The people making the show have to craft a narrative. There are people who are making a story here. 

Nick Thompson: That's exactly right and the further removed I get from it, and I think back to things. I do feel like they actually have storylines in mind before they even get you there.

I don't think most reality TV is scripted out the lines, but there's definitely scripting going on and I think that they prematch people on these shows who they think might be good, who they think might be dramatic, who might go on this story blind direction. I definitely think that's going on. I don't know if it's necessarily always a nefarious way, but that’s definitely going on behind the scenes. Yeah, 

Jessica Fein: that is really interesting. So before you even get to the show, did you tell people like, I'm going away to be on this show? Are you allowed to tell people?

Nick Thompson: You're not allowed to tell. So I, I told a handful of my closest [00:07:00] friends and then my sisters and I told them not to tell my parents because if this just ends up being nothing, like, I don't want them to be panicked about it.

And I told work, I was leading a marketing team, so I told work at the time, I was going on a yoga retreat for three weeks because you don't have your phone, you don't have anything when you're filming. And so I went that route. It was a Swedish company. They didn't think much of taking three weeks off, which was nice. And yeah, I'm so naive. I didn't even think it was a big deal when it was coming out. Like I didn't realize how big the show is. 

Jessica Fein: Well, how much time is there between when you leave the show, when the experiment, if we wanna call it that is done and you go back, presumably to your normal life.

But we'll get to that Yeah. Before it airs, because Yeah, when we're watching it, we assume like, oh, this just happened. 

Nick Thompson: Yeah, so we filmed in April, may and June in 2021, and it came out in February of 2022. So we had like nine months of, I mean, dread, like I always describe it as you're a pressure cooker after pressure cooker after pressure cooker, and [00:08:00] you don't really know what's going on and you're kind of uninformed and you don't know what your edit's gonna look like, and they reach out to you a few weeks before and is like, here's the date, here's uh, Key timelines and just kind of go, I mean, you really don't know.

Jessica Fein: Okay. But for those of the listeners who, who didn't watch the show and who might not be familiar, you went on the show and the experiment worked. You met somebody and you got engaged and you got married. So when you left the show, You were married, but then I'm just kind of doing this math in my head, but then

Nick Thompson: No, it doesn't add up it.

It's not an even equation. 

Jessica Fein: Right. So you're married, but there's like nine months or something where nobody's even allowed to know you were on the show. 

Nick Thompson: Yeah, so that was a difficult thing to navigate. You get to have a, a wedding and you bring people, um, and they all sign NDAs. So like there's people that know, and you gotta, you know, remember the world is bigger than you think it is.

Our friends and family all knew, but like I never told work. 

Jessica Fein: Yeah, you go back to work and the work is like, oh, you look [00:09:00] so flexible and relaxed. Cuz you've been at a three week yoga retreat and Right. I mean, did you have to pretend like Yeah, downward dog all day long? Like did you have to pretend you had been at this yoga retreat?

Nick Thompson: I'm a pretty private person and here's the thing, it is like a retreat. It's just not a yoga Richard. Right, because you're literally, yeah, you're, you're controlled the entire time. It's actually probably more like a cult. You are just thrust into that real world, and there's like four distinct areas, three or four, I, I go back and forth.

There's like getting ready for the show, there's filming, there's waiting for the show, and then there's the show coming out. And those are all these like pressure cooker environments, right? The day after our wedding, they dropped us back into reality and said, we'll see you in eight months, nine months, and you don't know how to do anything.

Once they stopped filming, we were just like, can we cut our cake? We went and found a producer like, can we cut our cake? We just didn't know what to do cuz we had been told what to do and where to go and what to talk about for so long. It's such a tough thing to get dropped back into the real world with this spouse and you're legally married and.

You don't live together technically, like there's all [00:10:00] sorts of stuff going on. It's a very challenging time to, especially to navigate a new relationship, let alone a new marriage. 

Jessica Fein: Right. And you said just in passing, oh, it's more like a cult, but I think that underlying that is a little bit of truth. What do you mean by that?

Nick Thompson: So my experience now, I've been more vocal about how cast members were mistreated, misrepresented, and for me, I feel like the call element of it is the way that they get to control every element of you and then you have to like go with it, even if it's not true or even if it's not what's best for you.

And it's all with this like carrot dangled in front of you saying you're gonna get a whole lot of social media followers, which wasn't really, I didn't really care. I actually was more stressed about. Trying to do something with that than anything else. Cause I wasn't really on social media, so it's all very difficult.

They control when you eat, they control when you sleep. They control when you get water. They control when you get anything. They control where you can and can't go during filming. You're very much in a controlled environment, which I get you have to, to an extent for the show, but it was at the detriment of your [00:11:00] mental and physical wellbeing at times.

Jessica Fein: I appreciate you being open about that because I think that that's not something that people are necessarily so comfortable speaking about openly in terms of their mental health. And I will say, I think that particularly for men, we don't see men talking about their mental health as openly. You had done a lot of work on yourself before you went on this show, and what you said to me before when we spoke was you were like sent back a couple of years.

Yeah. All that great work you had done was undone by this experience. Why? 

Nick Thompson: That's a great question and it, it was very hard at first. I was okay with the toll, a new marriage, and we were struggling and we're trying to find our way and the pressure being in the public eye and the pressure of everybody having opinions on our marriage and our relationship and us trying to navigate that was really, really hard.

They give you this quote, media training, and it's basically like, Hey, if someone's mean to you, block 'em. Oh yes, thank you. Right. I wasn't sure [00:12:00] I, I had that. Yeah, I wasn't sure I had that option. So you go through that and you just kinda learn as you go. I have been the kind of person, especially the last few years, where I don't really care what people think about me because I know I'm doing the best that I can.

I know I put my best foot forward and I always try to do the right thing. And I have values, like I have integrity and so I was never worried about what people say. Cuz if they said something that was mean or hurtful, it was probably a protection or not true. 

Jessica Fein: Let's just pause there because we all need to learn that like reality show or not just going through our lives.

That's funny. We tell our kids that all the time. Like when somebody says something, this is about them. It's not you, it's them. I. Almost all the time, so I'm glad that you mentioned that. And also I can imagine when people feel like it's fair game to comment on everything you're doing and saying that, it's hard to remember that.

Right?

Nick Thompson: Yeah, I know. And I, I actually just talked a little bit ago to someone on my podcast who's in the public eye, and he was sharing his story about covering the. Johnny [00:13:00] Depp, Amber Heard case and how there was like organizing on Reddit to make sure he lost his psychology license. They were trying to get him fired from his job as a professor.

He was on someone's hit list and then he tells me, you've had it way worse. I'm like, I don't think anyone's threatening to kill me. Like this is, oh God, it's crazy. I don't understand why people want to be cruel, and I know it's a projection and stuff, but it started getting to me and as time went on, it really hit me hard when the divorce happened because I wasn't there yet.

And I just needed some time and I didn't know what to to do really. And you know, we just moved along and, and went along. And then the public started commenting. TMZ leaked it a few days after it came out. I hadn't even told my family yet. 

Jessica Fein: How long was this after for those who weren't following this story?

How long after the show aired, which was now already nine months into your marriage, were you getting divorced? 

Nick Thompson: So it was a little over a year. And then the other thing too that you know, is, is so frustrating when you're in these [00:14:00] pressure cooker environments too. We needed help, like we needed mental health professionals to help us build healthy conflict habits.

Not the type that are gonna become toxic that the producers of a show want you to have so that they get their drama and they get their story. Sure, yeah. And just the way they would egg things on or make us talk about things that we had already resolved. And again, everything's happening so quick. If you have a conflict and you resolve it off camera, But you had a conflict on camera.

They want you to come back and drudge it up. It's like, well, we already solved this. 

Jessica Fein: So now you have to be an actor? You have to play the part that they want you to be? 

Nick Thompson: Yeah. Yeah. And so what really got to me was when the divorce leaked, there were some not nice things said to me in the media, and that's when I started to crumble and not feel good about myself because I didn't do these things.

I don't say these things. I don't behave this way. I have integrity. I'm like literally one of the nicest people that probably ever went on a reality show. And the online mob was weaponized and just. Coming at me and it just, it broke me. [00:15:00] I lost my job in November and it was right around this time. I don't know if that's exactly why I know it played a part cuz I would be speaking in my role as a VP of a small SaaS company, I was a thought leader, so Googling my name mattered just in case customers would do it.

It really hit me at that point. I am not doing well, and I am way behind on processing all of this, and the pain and my heart just hurt. Towards the end of the year, I was just like, I think I'm at rock bottom. I took a break from social media and I started to try and pick up the pieces. I started journaling every day.

And I even wrote a guided journal based on how I was journaling myself to get through these days where I felt like I had lost everything. I lost my new partner, I lost the life that we were gonna have. I lost her family that I had gotten extremely close with. I had lost my job now, which is, you know, these are like two of the most traumatic things that happened to people and just felt totally lost and totally at rock bottom.

And then everything just started hurting. Anything. Anyone would [00:16:00] comment anything cuz I wasn't feeling good about myself. And once you lose that, That's when these comments and the bullying online and the public commentary on your relationship just really started to get to me. Cuz no one knew. No one knew what we went through together and separately, but they all had an opinion on it and it just started to stick at that point.

Jessica Fein: You also went from somebody who was unknown out there in the world to being really recognizable. So I imagine you're going through this horrendous pain, but you can't even like go to the grocery store, right? People must have recognized you places.

Nick Thompson: Some people do. I've never had anyone be mean in real life.

I was worried around that time about that, like I didn't want to go to the grocery store. I had a friend stay with me for three days when it was really bad, just because I didn't want to go anywhere, like I didn't wanna leave. I'm like, do these people really think this about me? There was an internet rumor that I cheated, and they came after my friend that was with me when that rumor started.

So now my friends are getting attacked online just because they're friends with me. I mean, it was just brutal. I was [00:17:00] just very, I don't know, I forgot what your question was. 

Jessica Fein: That’s okay, it’s like the grocery store. So, you know, you could be suffering privately, but everything here was very public.

Nick Thompson: That’s exactly right, and having all the commentary on the relationship from the media and waking up to five emails from Entertainment Tonight and since we had just recently split, like I didn't have a PR team and then I lost my job. Like I didn't have money to invest in anything, so I was handling my own pr, writing my own statements.

And I'm fine doing that cuz like I said, it is what it is. You get what you see with me. But yeah, it was just a very tumultuous time to just wake up and be like, okay, TMZs trying to talk to me, E online's trying to talk to me, Buzzfeed's trying to talk to me, and it's just almost impossible to navigate. 

Jessica Fein: I wonder if there were people in your life who said, Hey, you chose to put yourself out there.

Did you get that from people? 

Nick Thompson: So people say that a lot online. Still to this day, you signed up for this. It's like, well, I signed up for a dating experiment. I didn't sign up to get psychologically [00:18:00] tortured. I actually signed up partially because they had mental health services, or at least they claimed they did.

My therapist interviewed the show psychologist that did my psych evaluation cuz she wanted to ask some questions to see if this would be a good thing for me to do. Totally bought all of it. And there was none of the promises that were made. So if you don't sign up for that now, being in the public eye, I did sign up for, I understand that, and I understand that sometimes I'm going to be out and I'm going to get asked for a photo or someone wants to say hi.

I try to position it for myself to be like, I can make someone's day just by taking a photo with them. And yeah, it sucks for my friends and stuff, which are by and large, mostly understanding when it happens and it ebbs and flows. It's not every day, but it's often. I didn't sign up for the ridicule. I would say I definitely didn't sign up for that.

I didn't sign up to be lied about by random people on the internet who think they know stuff, and so, When someone says, well, you signed up for the public life. I totally agree and I understand that. I respect that. I know I have an obligation because of that, but some of the online cruelty, you didn't sign up for that.

I didn't sign up to not have access to food and [00:19:00] water when I was hungry and thirsty while filming, stuff like that. Did you ever think about leaving? Yeah, so there's a fee in damages if you leave of $50,000. So that's how they keep you there with that lingering threat. And then they keep you with NDAs from speaking out about your experience and telling you things like after the show, anything that airs on the show, that's reality.

You can't go against the narrative that we tell and they have in there that they can. Throughout editing slander you. They can defame you. They can move dialogue around, they can cut scenes out of order, they can do whatever they want, and you have absolutely no recourse according to these ridiculous contracts.

So we had an incident in Mexico where my ex-wife Danielle had a panic attack. While I was away filming another scene, and this has been well documented, but just for your audience, in case they don't know, we had a Covid scare. She had a stomach issue during the day, and because of Covid protocols, they told her she couldn't film that scene at night and that I would have to do it myself.

So at first we were like, no, I'm like, I'm not doing it if [00:20:00] she's not doing it. And then we decided amongst ourselves, we talked and we were like, I'll just go represent us, come back and we'll be here. And I said, the only way I'm gonna go, cuz she has some pretty bad anxiety sometimes. So I said, the only way I'm gonna do this is if there is a producer who I know she liked, which was one specific one.

Outside the door in case she needs to talk to someone. They're like, no problem. Never happened. So I go to the event and I'm there maybe two, maybe three hours. I come back and they tell me, okay, she's on the end of the bed. Go in there. Which by the way, I just thought of this. How could they film us there?

But they couldn't film her at the party. Yes. I didn't even think about that. So she had an anxiety attack and they didn't tell me, and she told them, she's like, I don't feel right. Like I. I've had mental health challenges before. I've had suicidal thoughts and I don't feel right, and instead of coming to get me or even asking her what can we do, where was the mental health support there?

They didn't tell me she had a panic attack. They sent me in and were like, okay, go sit next to her. She's not mic'd, so stay close enough that we can pick up her audio [00:21:00] from yours. And so I go in there and it took me a minute maybe, and I realize something wasn't right and I took the microphone off, I threw it.

I said, we're leaving. This is insane. I can't believe that you would have her go through this right now and have no support for her or even anyone to clear her and say she's okay to film. So we were gonna leave then, and they ended up talking us out of leaving. But that was the one point we almost didn't go to the reunion or after the altar, which like a year later, catch up sort of show where they catch up with you for three episodes and you do some fun stuff.

So we were kind of back and forth about doing that, but it's different once you have the platform. It's less strenuous, it's more fun. You have your phone, you know, we weren't making any decisions on whether we were gonna get married or anything like that. So it was a little looser, a little more fun, I would say.

But, uh, but we almost didn't do any of it because it wasn't for us.

Jessica Fein: So then if you signed the NDA and you're not allowed to speak out, how are you speaking out now? 

Nick Thompson: I don't care. I started the UCAN Foundation about a month ago now with two other people, and [00:22:00] it stands for the unscripted Cast Advocacy Network.

And the goal there is to ensure that we can get some change in reality TV production from a labor right perspective, from a mental health support perspective. And that's kind of where I'm like, if I'm going to do this, if I'm gonna try and force change in this industry that's gone unregulated for so long, and exploits people their mental health when they're having suicidal thoughts, like to sit there and be like, first you gotta film.

I just decided, you know, I've been at rock bottom. And I have to do what's right and that's my ethos. Do the right thing. And so I was finally like, I don't care anymore. I'm going to force this change. No. And I'm not just gonna be someone who complains on social media about it. I'm a lefty organizer since 2008.

I know how to move people. I just worked here to get our mayor in Chicago elected with the Working Families Party. I know how to organize and I know how to market and I know how to use my platform. And I know that these things catch fire and they start from the bottom and they move up. Change is never gonna come from the production companies who are exploiting people for millions [00:23:00] and millions of dollars, if not billions of dollars.

The influx of people who have reached out and asked that question and been like, I'm so scared to speak up. I had this experience, or I'm scared and I had this experience. They're horror stories and it's not just dating shows, it's food network shows. It shows that have been on for almost a decade in some cases.

So I figured someone has to say something and it's gonna be me, and that's when I did it. And I'm proud too of my ex Danielle's also speaking out about it, which is funny because we hadn't talked in months and then we both spoke out about this at the same time, and it seemed like a coordinated effort, but it wasn't.

It's been good in that aspect as well, just to kind of have more people being united about this. 

Jessica Fein: Well, the timing is interesting because last time there was a writer strike that was really the kind of blossoming of reality tv, right? Of course, because it's unscripted and they don't use writers. 

Nick Thompson: I actually made a reel on my Instagram about how the W G A strike is actually gonna be more reality TV exploitation, cuz that's the route they'll go.[00:24:00] 

Right. 

Jessica Fein: So what I'm so interested about, well, I'm actually so interested about all of it. I mean, it's really kind of fascinating and kudos to you for speaking up about this thing that so many of us are just like, oh, it's entertainment. I'm just, you know, sitting at home, you know, I'm on the elliptical watching this show, but you were at rock bottom as you put it.

And you had lost your job. You had lost this new family that you had just forged this relationship with. What happened to get you from that point to this point of somebody needs to speak up, it's gonna be me, you know I'm gonna do the right thing. Because I would think you would have to be in a pretty good mental state to have the strength to be where you are now.

How did you get from point A to point B? 

Nick Thompson: Well, I am not as strong as you might think, but I took some time. I spent time with the people that matter to me. I wasn't off the grid. I was still producing content about mental health and self-care because I was going through it and I was like, I know if I'm going through it, there's other people going through it, and it may be different, but there's people feeling it.

And so I'm just gonna keep [00:25:00] hosting my story. I'm gonna keep. Doing the good, the bad, and the ugly. There were times where I was like, I cried for hours last night and I thought to myself at one point, I'm like, literally, this ruined my life. It gave me so much stress while it was happening. I lost 15 pounds the first three weeks of filming cuz I wasn't eating.

I wasn't sleeping right because of they just keep you so disoriented. All to get divorced publicly and have all these people commenting only to lose my job. I'm like, I'm at rock bottom and this is what did it. And I'm strong. So what this did to me, and then I think about what it did to Danielle, and that was the light that fired because I don't know for sure that if we had better support, if we would've made things work, but we would've had a fighting chance.

You know, I love her and I want to do something cuz I don't want what happened to her and what happened to us together should never happen to anyone. You should not be able to exploit people's insecurities. Any challenges they have, you don't exploit them. So it's so gross, and that's [00:26:00] when I was like, I have to do something because otherwise I'm not going to ever get over this.

I will sit here and have this chapter and then feel like I have no control over my life anymore or what's right. Right. 

Jessica Fein: So now one of the things that's happening, it sounds like, is you're controlling the narrative, which always gives us some of the power back. One of the things that's really intriguing to me is you said you started to share about the journey you were going through.

You would share, for example, I was crying for 10 hours last night. I wonder when you started to put that out there, how did people respond? Did they say, thanks for saying that. I'm going through something similar. Did it make you feel less alone? And the reason I ask that is because I actually just published a piece on this very topic, which is I think a lot of the time when we're suffering, for whatever reason, we're like, well, this is my private thing.

Like I don't wanna put this out into the world. I mean, I had that with fertility stuff, I had that with rare parenting, whatever. And. When you start to actually open up about it, that's when you find like, Hey, you don't need to be alone in this. People can then support you [00:27:00] differently because they understand what you're going through.

Was that your experience?

Nick Thompson: Yeah, so it's always been really hard for me to talk about my mental health. I didn't even know what mental health was until high school, and I know that five or six years old was the first time I had experienced depression. And so I've done a lot of work to try and heal some of those wounds from a child that made me feel that way to get to this point.

But like I never talked about it. I wasn't able to talk about it with my family or talk about it with my friends because of the stigma. And so I started therapy at 30 or 31. I. As I was going through therapy, I started experiencing the benefits of all of the tools that I was learning and the ways that I was learning to put structure in my life so that I don't have these feelings where I just am by myself and I'm isolated, and I feel alone and isolated.

And then it just snowballs into why am I here and all of that stuff. So it was really important to me as I started going through this and I'm like, I have to rebuild myself from the ground up after a public divorce that was devastating for two people that loved each other [00:28:00] and just couldn't figure it out.

And I was like, I'm just gonna share it. So like on New Year's, I had a low key New Year's, just did a video saying, you know what, I'm sitting here on my couch. It's New Year's, you're gonna see all of your favorite influencers and celebrities over the next few days posting these grand galas and beautiful dresses and all of that stuff.

And I'm here to tell you that that is not everyone. And if you are sitting home by yourself right now, whether you chose to or it chose you, you are not alone. And the output I got from that was huge. And it was just such a momentum builder. To sort of, yeah, feel like you know what I am gonna talk about even the hard stuff because I try to talk a lot about self-care cuz that's what's really helped me and boundaries cuz that's what's really helped me.

But putting that vulnerability out there like, Hey, I'm not doing anything on New Year's Eve. That was a big push for me and it was tough to do that. It was tough to do that.

Jessica Fein: tTell us a little bit about the boundaries and the self-care because you're at rock bottom, so you start to share your authenticity and be more vulnerable publicly.

Tell us about the self-care that helped get you to where you are now. 

Nick Thompson: Absolutely. So I'm an empath. Like I walk [00:29:00] into a room and I can feel the emotions of the room. And because of that and because I like to help people and I like to listen to people, I would attract people that would take a lot and not really give a lot.

And I didn't realize what was going on. You know, at the time I'm like, or younger and my twenties and stuff. And same with my family. I love my family and they're great, but they trigger me and they. Make me feel like I'm on eggshells and uneasy all the time, and I'm just worried who's gonna irritate the other one first and start a fight.

I, I just would go sit in that every Sunday for family dinner and, you know, all the holidays and whenever I got a chance and I didn't realize at one, I was living for what other people needed me to be. I wasn't doing things to make myself feel good, at least not consistently. And then I realized like I had so many people in my life that were taking too much, and so I needed to start learning how to say no.

I needed to remove people from my life that weren't suited from me, but ultimately it just took a lot of time in therapy and learning that I need to put structure in my day. Meaning when I would go to work back before Covid, [00:30:00] one thing I learned is I have to go to yoga three or four times a week at the gym, get myself outta my house, walk to the gym.

Do my hot yoga class, walk home, and then that can be my like nightcap for that night. And so it would just be like little things like that. Or knowing that like, Hey, I need to do this on a Sunday. Like I need to either go see a movie or go shopping on a Sunday. Why? Because otherwise I have to sit there on that Sunday and stew in my own juices.

Sundays are the worst. 

Jessica Fein: First of all. I just need to say yes, Sundays are the worst. We used to have Sunday night, fun night, way back when because I, I would just, Sundays would come and it would just be like, no. So yeah, I think having that thing set for Sundays is an important one. I'm so struck by the fact that you worked on yourself and you were back in therapy and you're setting boundaries and you're practicing self-care and you're being authentic. And then rather than say, that was a chapter of my life that I wanna like forget about and put so far behind, and maybe it's because it's so public you can't really [00:31:00] forget about it because there are always people there reminding you.

But instead you say, no, I'm gonna stand up now. Let's face this head on and let's see what we can do to change the very things that got me to rock bottom.

Nick Thompson: That's a good question and it did not come easy, and I actually started removing myself from anything related to anything reality tv. I muted every single person from the cast except the two that I've stayed friends with, so I never would see their content.

I really started focusing on my podcast and focusing on having good guests and putting myself I in the position to talk about the things that I think are important, that I can use my platform for good. It was really hard because I'm like, I'm not over the loss of my marriage. I'm not over how I feel about all this.

I still don't have a job. I'm still struggling with my own wellness on a day-to-day basis. And I said to myself, I used to say somebody should say something when I would see something wrong. And then at some point I decided I'm gonna be that person. And why is [00:32:00] this gonna be any different? And I can handle it.

I can handle seeing Danielle again on TV and in interviews I can handle the pain of, of maybe living through this if I know I'm fighting for the right thing. It has not been easy the first. Two weeks after all of this started was brutal. I got attacked by Nick Vile, who's the former bachelor, who's got the most popular reality TV podcast in the world.

And he came after the organization and called me names. We'll just say, and said, this was a desperate attempt for, for fame. And it's like, dude, nobody starts not-for-profit. Helps people for fame. Right, right. Like, yeah. Every millionaire and famous person started a not-for-profit as their first stepping stone.

Like it just, it doesn't add up. So, Him coming after me personally on his podcast punching down from his giant platform. I was like, you know what? When I know I'm doing the right thing and someone comes at me, I get stronger. I dig my feet in the sand cuz I'm stubborn, I'm a Taurus, and I get stronger. So I was just like, I am gonna get stronger from this.

And [00:33:00] it's just been that snowball effect. And I'm not saying it's not hard. I'm not saying it's easy, it's definitely not even today, I feel a little bit off, but I have to do what's right and I can find strength in doing what's right. 

Jessica Fein: So when you think back to you when you won the award that was most likely to be famous and you thought it was gonna be you either being president, which I suppose is still an option.

Um, it's possible. You never know, not ruling out a run for president.

Nick Thompson: We’ve had worse, right? We've had worse reality show presidents.

Jessica Fein: Or wanting to be behind the camera and be a storyteller. Does that still appeal to you? Is that still something you strive to do? 

Nick Thompson: I don't think I wanna be a filmmaker anymore.

Maybe if the right opportunity was there. I still write. I wrote this guided to journal, which was not as heavy of a a lift, but I write on my blog, I write on LinkedIn. I write detailed captions Most of the time on Instagram, probably no one even reads 'em, but. I like telling that story, but one of the reasons I started my podcast was because I feel like everybody has a story to tell [00:34:00] and everybody has an expertise and them sharing that story is gonna help other people open up.

It's gonna help other people basically go through life with your eyes wide open so that you walk into every scenario as your best self. 

Jessica Fein: I mean first of all, the name could not be more perfect for you. So tell us what kind of guests do you have and what's your premise? 

Nick Thompson: Absolutely. I like to think of like three nuances.

I would say pillars, but they're really nuances in my personality. 

Jessica Fein: I can tell as somebody in marketing, I can tell that you're inmarketing with your three pillars

Nick Thompson: I was waiting for you to call me out on that actually. But I, I wanna remove stigmas and I want to make places for open dialogue and conversation to happen.

I've been most of my life uniquely good at. Having a conversation with anyone about anything, whether I agree with them or disagree with them, but finding common ground, it's a superpower of mine. I wanna have people on for stigmatizing topics like mental health, free speech, news, politics, all of these things that really divide us and that we don't really truly understand where the [00:35:00] person behind it all is.

And I want to give them an opportunity to tell their story of why this matters to them or. What they're dealing with or what they've learned or what they're learning. And holistic health too. I make a lot of my own DIY products at home cuz I want to control what goes in my body, what goes on in my body.

And so I talk to a lot of people that are in the holistic health space, the neuroscience space. You get that expertise and it all comes together. And that's why I like to have experts across mental health, holistic health, overall wellness, and some news in politics. 

Jessica Fein: I just think that this is such an interesting turn of events for you in terms of taking this thing that's been such a tough, tough piece of your life and standing up and owning it and trying to make it different for the people who are coming after you.

So kudos to you on that. Now that you're talking so much more about mental health and men's mental health, again, which we said at the beginning of the show, is something that there's a stigma around and not everybody's comfortable being public about it. How are people responding to [00:36:00] you?

Nick Thompson: Yeah, I’m uncomfortable talking about it sometimes too, so I, I want anyone who's struggling out there to know you are not alone, even in the, not being comfortable talking about it, but I started sharing more and more, and I know through messages that I get people that I meet that it is actually helping someone else, mostly men, in a lot of cases, be more comfortable to say, Hey, I've struggled with this too.

Toxic masculinity is running wild in our culture, and it's not gonna be easy for the men out there. Um, and it's not easy for anyone, but it's tough for us because it's not as normal as it is and for other people to talk about it. But you are not alone, and you can struggle and you can be seen, and you can be heard, and you deserve to be validated for those feelings that you're having.

And I, I encourage all the men listening out there and the women too, to talk more about this stuff. Thank you. 

Jessica Fein: Thank you so much for being here today. 

Nick Thompson: Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

Jessica Fein: Okay. One thing I know is that I will never watch a reality show in quite the same way again. Here are my takeaways for my conversation [00:37:00] with Nick.

Number one, most of the time when people say mean or hurtful things, it has nothing to do with you. It's not you, it's them. 

Number two, change starts at the bottom. When you see something wrong, speak up. 

Number three, and this is a common one, sharing the real story, not just the shiny happy one, is how people can relate. It's how you find community and realize you're not alone. 

If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend. And if you'd like to be on my mailing list to hear more about the show, find out what I'm writing and get great book recommendations, head over to my website, Jessicafeinstories.com. That's Jessica Fein.

F like Frank, E I N stories.com and sign up. Thanks so much for listening. Have a great day.