Victoria Arlen's Strength of Spirit: From Blinking to Breaking World Records

I'm Jessica fein and this is the I don't know how you do it podcast, where we talk to people whose lives seem unimaginable from the outside and dive into how they're able to do things that look undoable. I'm so glad you're joining me on this journey and I hope you enjoy the conversation. 

My guest today is an amazing testament to resilience and strength and compassion. You might know her from ESPN. You might know her from Dancing with the Stars. You might have watched her break records at the Paralympics or have just seen her host the X Games. Maybe you've read her book. Victoria Arlen does so many things. What you might not know about Victoria, though, is that when she was eleven, she lost her ability to speak, eat, walk and move, slipping into a complete vegetative state. Doctors didn't know what was wrong with her and told her family there was little hope of recovery. It would be years before she was diagnosed with transverse myelitis and acute disseminated encephalomyelitis. Victoria spent nearly four years locked inside her own body. And when she began to be able to communicate again, she could do that only by blinking. Victoria went on to defy the odds. She's accomplished so much. And what's so incredible about her is that not only is she personally achieving goal after goal and breaking world records, but she's also helping so many other people through Victoria's Victory foundation.

Welcome, Victoria. Hi, glad to have you here. Thanks for joining me today.

 Victoria Arlen

Thank you for having me.

 Jessica fein

00:01:49

So, Victoria, your story is just remarkable. When you were eleven, you entered a vegetative state. Nobody knew what was wrong with you. There was no diagnosis, and you remained in that vegetative state for years. And when you started to come out of it, you were able to communicate only through blinking your eyes. At that point, how much faith or hope did you have in your capacity to emerge and to fully recover?

 Victoria Arlen

I mean, I think in those four years when I had nothing, all I had was my faith and all I had was hope. And I think when you have faith and when you have hope and when you have love, essentially, and I have a family that has just an incredible love for one another, I think you can't lose. And so when you have that combo of faith, hope and love, it's really this incredible combination. And so for me to see that, to experience that, it really gave me just this unwavering faith that, okay, they're fighting for me. I'm going to keep fighting. And so when I got that blink, when I had that ability to communicate, I felt unstoppable. As silly as it sounds, as crazy as it sounds to essentially only have blinking, it really gave me this sense of, okay, I'm going to come back. I'm going to come out of this, I'm going to really fight to get back to my family. And so that just agree of faith and hope, that really gave me that chance to keep fighting and keep believing.

Jessica fein

People must find such comfort when they hear that you were able to sense your family's presence and you knew that they were there.

 Victoria Arlen

Your loved ones know regardless that love is never unknown. And I remember making this promise with God and saying, you give me my voice back. Want to use my voice to be a voice for the voiceless. And that's what I try to tell people, is that they know you're in there. Give them that love, give them that hope, give them that faith, because they know. And even though they can't give that back to you, they know that it's there and that love is just going to fuel that fight. And so thank you for saying that because it gives that purpose that there was a reason that I went through and I went through. And I want people to know that your loved ones know they're in there. And even though the doctors don't know, they're not God. Love is a language that is heard and felt, regardless of what the medical report says. Love is a language that is heard and felt and understood.

 Jessica fein
 I can imagine that going from the condition that you were in to blinking and you said, it sounds like such a silly little thing. But really it doesn't. Because it's almost like going from where you were to blinking is as huge a movement, an accomplishment, a change as then going all the way to where you ended up going, to walking, to dancing, to swimming, to everything. Because you went from a place where maybe there wasn't going to be any more hope to saying, yes, I'm here.

 
 Victoria Arlen

Yes, the blinking was kind of the start. I always say. It was like the spark that lit the fire. It just takes one spark. You just need a spark of hope to ignite the flame. And so many times we overlook those blink moments and we want these extravagant big things when it's really it's those small miracles that create the big waves and that create the ripple effects. And yeah, the blink was really the beginning of everything. And that single handedly is the greatest accomplishment for me because that was the start that let everyone know that I was in there and that let everyone know that I was still fighting and that I was still me. And that was the beginning of my journey back.

 Jessica fein

I love thinking about that, that we can overlook the blink. That's just so amazing and literally and figuratively, right? It seems like you have three legged stool of yourself and your own drive and your own belief and the love that you got and continue to get from your family and your faith in God. So as you were coming from where you were to the blink and continuing on. What was the interplay of those three things? How do they live together?

 Victoria Arlen

I have an amazing family and you're always brought up with that mindset when they go and get stuff, the tough get going. And so I have incredible role models and my parents and my brothers. And so that was instilled. Early on, I've always had my faith, but I really learned what my faith was all about when I really didn't have anything, when I was completely stripped of every ability and really no one could hear me. And so that's when I really learned how to pray because I knew it was going to take a miracle from God to get me out of this because every doctor, every expert had me written off as a lost cause. And so at this point I said, okay, hey, it's me, because no one else can hear me. And that's really where I found my faith. And you find your faith at rock bottom. That's where God meets you. God meets us in our mess. And so I feel like for me it was in the middle of my mess where I really found my trust in God and really leaned into my faith. I was young too, and that's how I know it was God. Because the times where it was such chaos and such pain and where I should have been so afraid, I had such peace in my heart and I had such faith that things were going to be okay and that could only be equated to God's love. Like a blanket wrapped around me. And there was too many times on this journey where I just literally felt God's arms wrapped around me and just this trust in this higher power that I knew was God. And I just was like, well, I have a lot to say when I come out of this because if I make it through this, I have a lot to say because God is a real. And I remember just having these moments where I'm like, I should be freaking out right now, or I should be dying right now, or I should be dead, or I should be really down in the dunes and I just had this unwavering joy or peace or just could endure such pain and was able to keep enduring. And keep enduring. And so I think it all just kind of came together and then that love and hope around me just kept inspiring me and fueling me. And so I feel like it all just kind of worked together. And then at the same time, the people around me were finding their faith and we're building hope and building love and we're finding their strength too. So I feel like we were all on this mega journey and my mom and I were both on this faith journey together. And in the midst of such a mess, I found my own message of hope and faith and love.

 Jessica fein

But was there any time when you were saying, like, god, I'm here, and I'm talking to you, and I feel your warmth and your blanket, but you’re like, step it up, God.

 Victoria Arlen

Oh, there was a lot of come to Jesus moments. There was a lot of moments where I was like, I'm calling it. I'm like, take me away or get me out of here. And that's the thing. There was a lot of human moments. There was a lot of torturous moments too, but that's where I really had to lean into my faith and where I really had to essentially let go and keep letting go and keep trusting. And every time I felt like I was slipping away is when I felt like I would get a lifeline or, okay, I would have a little bit, something more to hold on to. But there was one particular moment, I think, right before my blink, where I just had a moment where it was like I was screaming at God in my head, and I just said, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I was really fed up, and I was in a lot of pain, and I was dealing with some abuse from some nurses, and I couldn't ask for help. I think I had reached my wits end, and we're almost four years into this vegetative state. So I had run the marathon four times over, and I just remember having this unfettered prayer, and I just said, God, I can't do this anymore. I said, you're either taking me away or you're getting me out of here, please, because I can't do this anymore. I said, I can. I am really struggling here. I said, I'm okay with dying. I'm okay. I'm at peace with that, but I'm not at peace with this. I'm not at peace with being in this prison anymore. But if you do decide to keep me around, we need to get me out of here. I need to speed it up. Yeah, let's get me out of here. And I promise you that if you get me out of here, not just get me out of here, but if you get my voice back, if you get me out of here, if I break free from this, which has never been done, I promise you I will use my voice to change the world. I promise you I will not waste a single moment. I will make every single moment count, and I will make a difference, and I will use my voice to change the world, and I will be a voice for the voiceless, and I will help people, and I will not waste a single moment. I said, Well, I can't do that. Sitting in this hospital bed can't be a little world changer, sitting in the hospital of bed, and I remember just having that moment. And shortly after is when I got my blinking back, and then that was kind of the start of me coming back to life.

Jessica fein

Once you were able to come back and you went through all of the steps from blinking and learning to swim and walking, all of the things that you were able to master, was there ever a time when you were like, okay, I came through so much. Maybe I just want to take a rest. Maybe I just want to compromise my side of that bargain that I made.

Victoria Arlen

 I don't know about compromising. I think I sometimes have to say, okay, calm down, not compromise. But I think sometimes I have to remind myself, like, hey, you're okay? Sometimes I tend to want to be like, go, go, go.

 Jessica fein
I can relate to that. Yeah.

Victoria Arlen

 So I think sometimes I have to almost reel myself in a little bit and be like, hey, take a breath. Like, you're okay. I think sometimes I almost have to rest a little bit. I've lived up to the promise. I'm continuing to live up to the promise. And it's okay to take a break. It's okay to rest.

Jessica fein

Absolutely. Because I can imagine also there must be a piece of I lost this chunk of time.

Victoria Arlen

a constant makeup, makeup, makeup.

 I feel like that's also been something I've battled, too, where it's the constant make up for lost time. Make up for last time, make up for lost time. And you almost have to like, okay, you've made up for lost time. And I feel like a lot of my success was driven by doctors saying I would never amount to anything. I forgot to sometimes stop and smell the roses, too.

Jessica fein

 I wonder what those doctors are saying now. Have any of them reached out to you and been like, I was wrong, or do you think they're just hiding their heads in shame because, boy, did you prove them wrong?

 Victoria Arlen

I feel like I have heard from some where they'll reference other people who have had a similar conditions, or they will say, oh, have you heard of Victoria Arlen? Obviously, they can't say that they were my doctors, but they won't ever admit that they were wrong. But it is interesting because they'll pretend like, I've seen you on ESPN or I've seen you on Dance to the Stars. I saw you on Ninja Warrior. I read your book. So I feel like they almost try to forget that they were the ones that wrote me off as well.

Jessica fein

 Yeah, I bet some of them tried to take credit.

 Victoria Arlen

Yeah, it's like revisionist history. And to be honest with you, I forgave them all. There's a reason I start my book with, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. And that scripture really helped me because at the end of the day, they didn't know, and it was the worst possible timing to get those conditions. So at the end of the day, I wouldn't change my journey. I mean, there's a little pieces I think I would, but I wouldn't be where I am today or who I am today without it. So sit there and I go, thank you. Maybe who I am today. And so thank you. Appreciate you.

Jessica fein

 That is like the definition of graciousness right there.

Victoria Arlen

But forgiveness is for yourself, it's not for anyone else. If you hold on to resentment, if you hold on to pain, you're just poisoning yourself.

 Jessica fein

So true. Now, I think that one of the first kind of movements you did was getting into swimming. And that struck me because we had my daughter swimming and horseback riding, and those were the two things that, as a witness to what she was going through, I saw how much those two things empowered her. When she was on the horse, she felt the power of the horse and she was able to move like other people. And you said that when you were swimming, you felt somewhat normal, like you belonged. Can you tell a little bit about that?

Victoria Arlen

Swimming gave me such freedom. I wasn't in a chair, I wasn't in a hospital bed. And so for me, I've always been a fish. I've always loved being in the water. And so swimming just gave me freedom. Just to be back in the water was a sense of me that I had felt like I lost and felt like I was never going to get back again. And so it was really special to be back in a place that was familiar and the freedom where you don't need your legs, you don't have anything confining you. And so I feel like the water, for me, really empowered me. And I never knew how far it would take me, but I just knew it was a place of peace for me, and it's always been a place of peace for me since I was a little 

Jessica Fein
And how did you go from feeling like, this is a place where I feel freer and I have peace, to I am going to take this all the way to the very top?

 Victoria Arlen

 I don't know, I'm a competitor. And so I started swimming and I missed competing. And so it was actually my hockey coach that was like, hey, you should consider competing again. And I was like, I don't know, that's my thing. But if I should really do that, because I was a competitive swimmer before I got sick. So I kind of got into a few competitions for fun, and then that spark was lit again, and then I competed in a few more, and then I made trials and I had so many coaches that were just like, you don't see a chance. My mom is a super feisty lady, and so she was very much like, don't ever let someone tell you you can't do something. And so I was like, that's right. And so I ended up finding my coach, john ogden, and this was a few months before trial. He just looked at me, and he was like, I think you could win gold. And I was like, I just want to make the team. And he was like, well, we're going to train. Like, we're going for a gold medal, and making the team will just be secondary. And I was like, okay. And so he pushed me and trained me like the athlete I always knew I was and knew I could be. And so for me, that just ignited something. And so regardless of what happened, I knew I just loved competing, and I loved training. And so I felt like in my eyes, I'd already won because I loved what I was doing. I loved the fact that I wasn't looked at it as an athlete in a wheelchair. I was just an athlete training with other athletes, not in wheelchairs. And I was just very much dialed into this goal, and I was really having a hard time in school with bullies. And so it was an outlet for me to just swim and just be an athlete and just really focus on that. I had to go to school. I had to make up five years and three years time, so I needed to focus on that. But I knew right away I was going to my safe space in the pool. And so it was really just a base for me to help me cope with this new normal. I was navigating because I essentially went out of a vegetative state, back to school, back to swimming, and the next thing you know, I'm at the london 2012 trials in a two year time frame. That's not a long time. It was a very quick turnaround. And then when I started breaking records, that's when my story started becoming more public, and I became more public, and that was when my life started shifting very drastically, and then I made the team, and then I went to london and then had a lot of success there. And so it was a very interesting experience, to say the least, but one that I am incredibly grateful for and one that completely changed the trajectory of my life and was able to give me a platform to share my story and to give hope to other individuals and other people going through similar situations. That moment I was on the podium, and they were putting the gold medal on my neck, that was the moment where I just looked and I saw my family, and they're crying, and I'm crying. And that was when we all just knew, like, hey, we're going to be okay. We got through this. We made it to the podium. We don't have to be afraid anymore. And so that was a real turning point for all of us.

Jessica fein

 So you go from there to dancing right? You've mastered swimming, were you like, okay, now it's time to try something else and compete in something else? How did you get from the podium to the next great adventure?

Victoria Arlen

there were some steps in between, I ended up transitioning from being a professional athlete to ESPN. So I went into sports casting. So I was on the ESPN journey, and then in the middle of all that, embarked on this walking journey where I was told I would never walk again, which is once again telling me you can't do something. And my mom, being the epic human that she is, had opened up this incredible narrow recovery center called Project Walk Boston. And so I was training there, and by the grace of God and a miracle and another blink if you will, almost ten years to the day of becoming paralyzed, started taking steps which no one said would ever happen and never happened before. And so I was newly walking when my agent called and was like, hey, how would you like to be on Dancing with the Stars, which I've been a fan of the show since I was a little girl, since the very first season. And I was, like, very serious. I was in Minneapolis, Minnesota, at the Minnesota Viking stadium. It was July. I was covering X games. I was like, Are you serious? I didn't even go, yeah, they want you on the show. And I'd only been walking for a year, unassisted, without any equipment, and I was like, sure. I was lucky. I thought it was so cool that I hadn't thought of everything that went into it. And I love the show, and they were fans of my story, fans of me. And then I embark on it and then realizing, like, oh, man, I got a dance now, and I'm still figuring out how to walk. It was a really crazy experience because my very first day, my partner, Val Schumerkovsky, twirls me and my holy Bolivarium just got thrown off, and my legs just buckle. And we're like, oh, no. How will we do that? So my goal is just like, don't fall on national television. Like, don't fall. And it ended up just being a really cool experience because we knew we wanted to tell a bigger story, and I knew there was a bigger purpose for it than just being on a dance competition show. And so that was what was my driving inspiration behind it all. And then the competitor of me, of course, was like, let's go. Let's go. It was really crazy to embark on, that for sure. And only a year walking, my little giraffe legs were just trying to find their way. And I have no sensation in my legs either. So dancing without sensation in your legs is very challenging. And so my dance partner and I had to get very creative with how we led and how he taught me. So he was very brilliant with how he embarked on choreographing, but also teaching and leading me throughout our dances. Yeah.

Jessica fein

Wow. Along the way somewhere, you developed a formula for overcoming life's greatest challenges. And talk about somebody who is equipped to develop a formula.

Victoria Arlen

 Yes. So my formula is essentially kind of this motto, if you will. It's called face it. Embrace it. Defied and conquer it. Essentially, what that means is that when challenges and obstacles come your way, you face it head on. You take it, you face it, you look at it, and you really just, all right, what are we dealing with here? And then you embrace it. Because if you push it and you push it and push it, it just comes back to you in tenfold. You embrace it. Kind of like a hug. If you're a hugger, I'm a hugger. You embrace it, and essentially that allows you to defy it, defy whatever odds or obstacles are in your way, and that allows you to conquer it. And so that's kind of the formula that I came up with, actually, in my vegetative state. And whenever obstacles and challenges come my way, how can I face it, embrace it, defy it, and conquer it?

Jessica fein

 You also have elements that you think about for being part of what allows you to face it, embrace it, defy it, and conquer it. Right. So it's great to be able to say, this is the most horrific thing that people can't even imagine has happened, and I am facing this head on, and I'm going to embrace it. I'm going to conquer it. I'm going to show the world. But what goes into being able to do that? Because the motto is great, and it's like, I want a poster of that right in front of me because it's just such a great reminder for whatever we're going through. But how do you do it?

 Victoria Arlen

 I mean, it's a challenge. I think it depends on the day. It depends on what you're dealing with, what you're navigating. So I have my scratch your nose theory, where in my vegetative state, about three and a half years in, I remember my nose really itched, and I wanted so badly. You know, when you think about an itch and it gets itchier, it's horrible.

 Jessica fein

 It's horrible.

Victoria Arlen

 And I remember I wanted someone to scratch my nose so badly, and obviously I couldn't tell anyone to scratch my nose. I remember in that moment thinking, if someone would just scratch my nose, I would be the happiest little human on the face of the planet. The happiest little human. And I once was speaking at an event, and I made 7000 people scratch their nose because I was like, if you're ever spinning out, scratch your nose. Those are different moments that are perspective changes and the gratitude, too. It's like, take just five minutes a day, or start your day with gratitude, or shift those moments, those mindset shifts those moments where if something doesn't go your way to say, okay, thank you. I need to shift. And so it's little things, but I'm constantly tweaking it. It kills me what folks are like, you must never have a bad day. I'm sorry, what? Like, we're all work in progress. We're all constantly working on ourselves. And so I think formulas are constantly being perfected, are constantly being adjusted. And so those are different little things I do. Gratitude is a huge one. I think constantly checking in on yourself is a huge one. Scratching your nose. I think, how can I handle this? Checking in, doing a little checklist with yourself, but also acknowledging what you need and honoring what you need and checking in on who's on your guest list, essentially. Who's on your guest list, who's invited over? And it can be feelings, it can be people, it can be situations, it can be jobs, it can be whatever it is. Who's on your guest list? How do they make you feel? Are they lifting you up? Are they pulling you down? Because if they're pulling you down, it's not worth it, because we only get one life, and we only get today, essentially. So how are we going to amplify and keep ourselves up here? Because essentially, if we keep pulling ourselves down here, we're going to be on e. And that's way not worth it. It's just not worth it. If you're constantly draining your tank every single day and you're coming to constantly fill your gas tank, that's exhausting. And so I think those formulas all are under that umbrella of different little things, and it doesn't have to be these giant things. Like when people say, I haven't been through what you've been through, that's okay. It's not a comparable thing, because honestly, there's things that I've gone through that aren't the vegetative state that have tripped me up more than the vegetative state have. Honestly, there's been times where I said, mom, honestly, this is harder than the vegetative state. It's not the size of the mountain that you have to judge, because everyone's mountains are different sizes, so never judge the size of the mountain. Don't even measure the size of the mountain, because that's not even fair, because some of the toughest climbs have the most deceiving depths. When you really think about it, like, when you're hiking, you can look at now they're even skiing. You can look at certain runs and be like, that doesn't look bad. And then you go down, and you're like, oh, my gosh, this is horrific. Or going up certain lifts or hiking, and you're like, that doesn't look bad. And you climb, and you're like, oh, my, Lanta, this is horrible. And so that's the thing, is you just don't know. And so it's honoring each and every mountain you face. And then how are you going to face it? Embrace it, define and conquer it? How are you going to fill your. Bag and climb that mountain. Essentially.

 Jessica fein

When other people who are close to you have their mountains to climb, do you find that they say to you, well, I shouldn't complain. I shouldn't talk to you about this. I cannot imagine what you've been through, so I'm not going to tell you about my thing. Even though their thing to them is huge. And as you've just pointed out, it's not a comparison. Things that look huge might not be as disruptive than things that look smaller, but I'm wondering if the people in your inner circle feel sometimes like they have to censor themselves because they don't want to come across as complaining.

 Victoria Arlen

 I think the people in my inner circle, we're all a super tight knit group, so I feel like we have a good open line with that. I feel like, if anything, it sometimes shocks them more. So about the pebbles that trip me up over the boulders that should trip me up.

 Jessica fein

 What pebbles trip you up? What are your pebbles?

Victoria Arlen

 Sometimes work will trip me up, or stress with stuff like that will trip me up more so than a health thing or something like that. And I'll get overwhelmed with work, or I get overwhelmed with all the stuff I have to do, versus if I have this really scary health ordeal, or my back is masking really bad, or my legs are axial, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine. But then I'm like, oh, my God. So I think those will trip me up more than other things.

 Jessica fein

 It's interesting that you say sometimes the pebbles will be the work stuff and more kind of commonplace challenges rather than when you're going through something with your health. And I wonder coming out of something as serious as what you did, I imagine you could go one of two ways. One is health things that you encounter now, it's like, okay, the worst has happened, so it's not going to bug me at all. Or it could be, okay, I've seen how you can turn on a dime, and so a little thing might become really magnified. Do you find yourself in one of those camps?

 Victoria Arlen

Yes, I think both. And that's something I've really worked out in therapy. Big fan of therapy that I've really worked out with my therapist is stop hitting the panic button. So I'll either go panic or just straight up, like stone cold and into war zone. Like, let's go to war. I'm ready to fight.

And it's like, no, chill out. Don't immediately jump ship or prepare for war, or prepare worst case scenarios. I used to really be stuck in that vicious loop of waiting for the shoe to drop or for things to go really bad, because I've seen some really messed up things in my life where really bad things have happened. And so it's one of those things where I'm a human being where stuff has really bad stuff.

So I think for me it's been something that I was very aware of and conscious of and wanted to work on and was aware that it was starting to happen. It was like, okay, I want to get help for this. I think the first step is just asking for help. And I started to realize different patterns and things I was doing that I was like I am going down this panic motor. I am going into this overworked motor. I am going into this space where this is probably not ideal or this probably isn't healthy. And so I think I used to be really bad at that where I would go into that panic or that everything's going, the sky, the world's ending, I need to go into panic. 

So I think I started really focusing on taking a breath. I started meditating, I started praying a lot more. I started leaning back into my faith and being like no it's actually okay because things are going to be okay. And 90% of the things you worry about, 95% to 99% of the things you worry about how old aren't going to happen. We're paralyzing ourselves with these worst case scenarios or with these bad situations that aren't going to snapping or aren't happening. Like we're just creating chaos in our head and we're suffering in our head. And so I think I just started to do that and was just like wait a second, I want to choose joy. I want to choose peace. I love the scripture, the joy of the Lord is my strength. 

And so I was like I'm going to start saying that over and over and I'm going to start choosing joy because faith and fear can't be in the same sentence and I've kept that on a sticky note and I'm like I need to really start choosing that and choose again. Choose a better thought, choose a positive thought, choose something with gratitude. Choose something with the positive twist. And so how do I make tiny little shifts? Because worrying is a habit, fear is a habit. All these things are things we develop but we can also change it and we can also make little tiny changes along the way that can shift our perspective which make all the difference. Absolutely.

 Jessica fein

 And worrying is a habit and fear is a habit and we do it, I think a lot of the time because we feel like, well if I worry about this enough then when it happens it won't be as bad because I will have already prepared myself yet.

 Victoria Arlen

 It's like a barbed wire blanket that we put on and we're like well it hurts right now but the pain will get duller.

 Jessica fein

And if it does happen, god forbid, it's going to hurt just as much. All you will have done is wasted all this time before it happened feeling the pain. But the other thing you said is 95% of the things that we worry about and that we fear aren't going to happen. And PS, the big things are often not things we ever could have imagined, right?

Victoria Arlen

 No. And it's so silly. And our brains are brilliantly designed to build those things, but at the same time, you got to be like, hey, shut it down. Shut it down.

Jessica fein

 Yes.

Victoria Arlen

hat's the thing is, I always say on the four years of being in that vegetative state, my brain muscles were built like supersonic. But it's like freaking HD in there that can just put on movies on loop and shows on loop that it's like Netflix, Hulu, HBO, like, all the things all at the same time. All at the same time. And it's like, shut it down. Shut it down.

 Jessica fein

 Take that breath. Choose joy. I love those ideas because we can choose, right? So are we going to choose to have the chaos and the worry and the angst, or are we going to practice and learn to choose to recognize the blink, the know that we can scratch our nose, find the joy? So you made this promise with God. You said, Get me out of this state. If you do, I am going to change the world. I am going to make a difference for other people. And you have not only achieved personal huge accomplishments, gold medals and Dancing with the Stars and reporter and author and all that stuff, but you have given so much, whether that's through Project Walk, whether that's through Victoria's Victory Foundation. And I'd love for you to share about those things, because I just think what you're doing is so incredible that you're keeping this promise that you made at that time, before the blink.

Victoria Arlen

So I've been really fortunate. When you're blessed, it's a duty to be a blessing to others, at least in my eyes. And so I had the tremendous success in sports, and then I've really been so blessed and continued to be so blessed with an incredible career at ESPN and and was speaking and with, you know, being an author and having so many incredible experiences. An incredible platform and being in the public eye has its pros and its cons. But one of the pros is you have a platform, and so what can you do with that platform? And so for me, I've always wanted to help people. 

And my mom opened Project Block in 2015 with a promise that she would leave no stone unturned to help me get back everything that was taken away from me. And she is just the ultimate hero in my eyes. And she opened up Project Walk to help me regain mobility. And we had no idea, no idea that I would take the steps that I took and run and dance and all that stuff, but it gave me just the wings to fly. 

And when we opened, we realized we could help people through donating hours, but what are we going to do about people who need wheelchairs and rams and vans and adaptive equipment? That it was such a forgotten community? And so we wanted to start a nonprofit, and so that's where Victoria's Victory Foundation came into play. And we got an incredible executive director, Susan Stover. We were just like, okay, Susan, we have this dream. And we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Like, no idea back in 2017. And we just had one goal in mind. We wanted to give other families and individuals like myself the wings to fly. The less equipment I needed, the more we donated, and the more we saw such a neat adjustment, our surrounding towns alone that we're like, could you imagine? Just in the country? 

And so we started Victoria's Victory Foundation with that mission, and it just has taken off. And it's really just been remarkable what we've been able to do and continue to do and help individuals all over the country, living with mobility challenges from little babies to older individuals. I feel like it gave me a purpose for the second chance I was given, because I had a bit of a survivor's guilt, and I was like, God, why did you save me? But so many people are still stuck in vegetative states. Some people haven't walked. And so I realized, this is why I survived, is to be able to help other people. And so this really gave me a whole other meaning to the second chance that I was given. 

I've done a lot of really cool things in my life, and I get to do a lot of really cool things. But when I see the different individuals we get to help all over the country, it's really remarkable, and it just leaves me speechless. And I'm a professional talker, for goodness sake. I'm not often speechless and still, like, how did I get chosen for all of it?

 Jessica fein

 Well, you're certainly making good on it, that is for sure. All right, so we're talking about people whose lives are unimaginable. And I'm wondering, when you think about it, who do you look at and say, I don't know how you do it?

 Victoria Arlen

 I look at my mom, and I looked at my mom since I was a little girl that way. She's just always been such a fierce, fierce woman who has just always had such grace and beauty and strength and has always just shown up, and she's my hero. And even when I was so sick and things were so dire and so desperate, and everyone around, all the doctors, all the experts were so hopeless, she was so strong. I watched doctors and nurses look to her for strength. My family looked to her for strength. And then now, every day at Project Walk, families, trainers, clients look to her for strength. And so I see that every single day. And I just sometimes look at her, I'm like, I don't know how you do it. And I don't have enough adjectives to describe her other than just being like, I don't know how she does it, but I hope I'm 10th of who she is, honestly.

 Jessica fein

 Well, the good news is for our listeners that they are going to have the opportunity to spend time with her as well, because she truly is a hero, and you don't have a 10th of the adjectives to describe her, so we're going to get the opportunity to get to know her.

Victoria Arlen

 You're in for a treat. Yes, absolutely.

 Jessica fein

 So, Victoria, thank you so much. I know how busy you are, and you just have so much wisdom to share and face it. Very, very few people are going to be in the circumstances you were in, but we're all in circumstances every day, as you say. Sometimes it's the pebbles that trip us up, not the big boulders. And you've given us so many really tangible ways to deal with those, and you continue to go on and to reach for the next thing and to try to help the next person. And I'm just really grateful that we got to hear about you and your story.

 Victoria Arlen

Thank you. Thank you. I'm really grateful that we got to have this conversation and I got to share my story, so thank you.

Jessica fein

 You can learn more about Victoria's story in her book, "Locked In." 

Okay, what are our takeaways? Number one, don't overlook the blink moments. You just need a spark of hope to ignite the flame. Number two, check in on who's on your guest list. What feelings, people, situations are you inviting over, and how do they make you feel? I think that one might be my favorite. Number three, victoria's motto face it, embrace it, defy it, and conquer it. Number four okay, this one might be my favorite. Don't measure the size of the mountain. Sometimes the pebbles trip us up more than the boulders. And number five, worrying is a habit and feels like a barbed wire blanket. Try to choose a thought with joy or gratitude instead. Victoria talked a lot about her mother, who is her hero, and later this week, I'm going to drop a special episode with Victoria's mom, Jacqueline Arlen. Then next week, we're going to switch gears, and I'm going to speak with somebody whose life is unimaginable, not because of the circumstances she was dealt, but because of a very unconventional path she chose. There's so much great stuff coming up, so make sure to follow the show so you won't miss an episode, and if you're enjoying it, share it with a friend. Talk to you next time.